Wednesday, December 07, 2005

I am *SO* declaring War on Christmas

One of my co-workers came in today in high dudgeon (look it up...) because some school had accidentally sent out some stuff that says "Merry Christmas" and they had to recall the stuff and reprint it and this pisses off my co-worker because Christmas is the season and if it weren't for Christmas there wouldn't even be a season and...

You get the idea. She doesn't like "Happy Holidays" because it fails to acknowledge Christmas and if it weren't for Christmas etc. etc.

When I said, "Well, gosh, how about I reply to your 'Merry Christmas' with 'Happy Solstice?'" at the same time an unexpected ally, a Jehovah's Witness, said, "How about how I feel, since Christmas is a man-made holiday that I don't celebrate?" The co-worker looked shocked and unconvinced. She said that she didn't think I'd say "Happy Solstice" since I know it's not HER holiday, and that she would try to be more careful about wishing me a "Merry Christmas" in the future (I knew I'd have to throw in the "Happy Hanukkah" thing eventually and explaining that there is no relation between Hanukkah and anything else relative to the winter holiday season, but so far I've avoided that confusion...) I asked how a sales clerk is supposed to know that I don't celebrate Christmas but she managed to change the subject to avoid further conflict, which was a good idea.

And now in our lobby they've got Christmas music blaring. Have I mentioned that it all sounds like muzak? Well, it all sounds like muzak. Even if I didn't find the bulk of Christmas music boring if not bad, the muzak-ness of commercial Christmas music (and this shit is tinny to boot) makes my head and chest hurt.

So, tell O'Loofahly. I'm on a rampage. I'm declaring war on Christmas. IT MUST BE STAMPED OUT!

I've got nothing against Christmas. I've got nothing against most Christians. I've got lots to hold against stupidity and deliberate obtuseness. And against muzak.

There, I feel so much better now.

Here's a new recipe. I don't recommend it for eating. I recommend it for Jim Earl. What a guy! He's my dream guy. My hero. A god. Okay, a very funny fellow whose contributions to "Morning Sedition" are going to be sorely missed.

Crunchy Spam Bites

Servings: 6
Prep Time: 15 minutes
Cook Time: 15 minutes

2 cups sweetened corn cereal
20 butter flavored crackers
1/2 teaspoon garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon onion powder
1 can SPAM® Classic (12 oz.) or SPAM® Oven Roasted Turkey
1 egg, beaten
For Cheese Dip:
3 ounces processed cheese
1/4 cup ranch salad dressing
1/4 cup sour cream

Heat oven to 425°F. In a work bowl of a food processor, crush cereal and crackers. Stir in garlic and onion powder. Using a butter knife, slice SPAM® into one-fourth to one-half-inch slices. Using your favorite cookie cutter, cut SPAM® into shapes. Dip SPAM® into cereal mixture, then into beaten egg and again into the cereal mixture to coat. Place SPAM® on a lightly greased baking sheet. Bake 15 minute, turning after eight minutes. Meanwhile, for cheese dip, melt processed cheese in a microwave-safe dish. Stir in dressing and sour cream until smooth. Serve SPAM® bites with cheese dip for dipping.

1 comment:

Alia said...

Of course, I agree with you, but as a gimp don't get assaulted with it because I don't get out as much. (Guess what my blogger blog will be about. go on, guess.) As you know, I detest Christmas Carols due to overexposure to them as a child. My daughter loves them, though, so we've reached a compromise; sometimes I get to listen to something else, and commercials with screechy warped carols get muted immediately, and I won't complain (much) when she listens to carols.

I'm cutting and pasting your Spam Bites recipe to PS. I have to. If I'd cook it, he'd actually eat it. I can stand Spam once, maybe twice a year, but Spouse can't eat it and it's probably way to salty for Progeny.